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Wednesday, July 20, 2005

The big reveal

I don't know if you remember or not, but way back in December I was talking about how I was going to move to MT and have my very own non-blogger site. Well, I kept getting distracted and diverted, and on top of that, I had no idea what I was doing. So I finally admitted to myself that I was never, ever doing to finish the site on my own, and begged the lovely and talented Zoot to help me.

And help me she did! You can now find me at my deluxe new digs, here.

Please go check it out. And then go tell Zoot what a fabulous job she did.

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Tuesday, July 19, 2005

All hopped up on goofballs

Or Vicodin, if you want to be all precise about it. Darth Tooth is no more (and now you can all breathe a sigh of relief that you won’t have to listen to me go on and on about it anymore!)

The oral surgeon’s office called me on Friday afternoon and said they’d had a cancellation for first thing Monday morning, would I like to take that appointment? So I checked with my boss, made sure John could drive me – “what the hell else would I be doing?” he asked – and said yes. And then went to the bathroom and got violently ill. I may have been just a little more anxious about the procedure than I wanted to admit.

I spent the weekend escaping with Harry Potter – I love, love the new book – I think it is my favorite since Prisoner of Azkaban! And then yesterday, bright and early, had my surgery, which went fine, at least from my point of view. They put the IV in, I went to sleep and when I woke up, the correct tooth had been extracted. It hurts, and I’m all puffy and swollen, but on the plus side, I get to eat all the pudding I want. And they sent me flowers from work, which was really nice.

The bad part is the Vicodin. I don’t know how anyone can get addicted to this stuff. It helps with the pain, but it also makes me sick to my stomach, dizzy, fuzzy-headed and itchy. Yesterday I realized I was having trouble keeping up with the plot of the silly trashy novel I bought specifically for post surgery reading. And today I tried to work from home, which didn’t go all that well. I got maybe five hours of work done and I had to take a nap in the middle of the day.

But I think the worst part is behind me. And I did get to spend two extra days at home with John and Seamus which is always nice. Maybe not so nice for them, since I’ve mostly been silly, sleeping or holding a ice pack to my face, but nice for me.

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Thursday, July 14, 2005

Darth Tooth: 53, Bad Penguin: 0

Today was supposed to be the day that I got my bad tooth pulled, so it could never bother me again. And yet, it is still sitting there in my mouth, being all hurt-y and evil. Why? Because nothing with my teeth is ever simple.

I went in for my appointment with the oral surgeon, who was running late, of course. So I got to sit in the waiting room for 40 minutes or so getting more and more anxious. That’s always fun. There was a little more waiting once I got back into the room. And then the doctor came in, looked at my x-ray, and said it was infected, and fractured, and they couldn’t take it out today. He spent another ten minutes or so terrifying me, explaining that the tooth is going to break when they take it out, so they are going to have to dig pieces of it out of my bone, and that I really need to have anesthesia for that. It will be worse than having impacted wisdom teeth removed, he said. And that was all I needed to hear, because my wisdom teeth were impacted (naturally) and getting them removed was horrible.

So I agreed we’d do it with the anesthesia on Tuesday, went and got lunch and headed back to work. Kind of anti-climactic after getting myself all worked up, although I’ll have the whole weekend now to whip myself up into a frenzy of worry.

Oh, and getting the titanium tooth implant involves more surgery and costs $1,800 – just for the part the oral surgeon does! That doesn’t even cover the fake tooth they put in later. I wonder how much it would cost to get a gold tooth? I could pretend I was a pirate.

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Sunday, July 10, 2005

Midnight Confessions

Well, really 10 p.m. confessions, but that doesn’t have the same ring to it as far as a title goes, does it? Anyway – want to know a secret?

I feel almost like I’m going to jinx something by saying this, but lately, I’m happy. Really, really happy. To the point where I’ve actually started wondering if something huge and bad is lurking around the corner, because everything is so good right now. I’m so in love with my husband, and it feels like our relationship gets stronger and better every day. Settling in to our home has given me a sense of peace and balance that I didn’t even know I was missing. And I just feel...good.

Of course, there are still things that worry me. My continuing infertility, for one, but I have to believe that is going to work out eventually. Work has been a bit of a challenge lately, but I’d rather be challenged than bored. My friend Laila moved back to San Francisco last week, and I miss her and her little boy Noah already. I miss Jules and Julie and Ariane and Mary Pat and wish they weren’t so far away, but I have friends here too. I’m still obsessing about whether or not to spend the money to get a laptop, and if I do, whether or not to spend the extra money to get a Powerbook. When I manage to look outside of my own petty concerns, I get down about the state of the world – children starving to death every three seconds, bombs going off in London, bombs going off in Iraq every day, which no one seems to care about at all.

Even so, underneath it all, I’m happy. And I guess I wanted to acknowledge it here, to say to you, to the universe, to whomever – I recognize what I have, and I’m grateful.

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Tuesday, July 05, 2005

A Sudden Change in the Weather

This morning, I, Bad Penguin, notorious hater of mornings, actually got up and exercised before work. I didn’t whack myself in the head with a hand weight or anything, and I felt very virtuous all day!

It went so well that I’m going to do it again tomorrow morning.

I do feel a little bad about that blizzard that hit Hell today though. Those poor bastards never saw that coming.

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Sunday, July 03, 2005

Vive le week-end!

Sorry for the looong interval with no posting – work has been crazy with a capital “K” lately. I’ve been getting home so late there’s mostly only been time for dinner, a quick walk with the hound, and then half an hour of lying on the couch moaning at John before I head off to bed.

But now the weekend is here, and I’m feeling relaxed, refreshed and rejuvenated! It’s been a good couple of days. Yesterday I had a lovely lunch with the Cactus-Fishes, who are every bit as fun, funny and nice in person as you’d expect them to be from their sites. I was worried that it would be a little awkward, meeting online people in the real world, but I really enjoyed it. Hopefully they had as much fun as I did.

Then I hit the outlet mall, which was insanely crowded, and not as bargain-filled as I had hoped it would be. When I go to the outlet mall, I want deals, not $137 shoes and $700 coffee tables – Cole Haan, Restoration Hardware – I’m looking in your direction. I did manage to find a pair of curtains that are almost the same shade of green as my comforter cover, so my bedroom is finally blessedly dark. According to John, “it’s like the Bat Cave in there.” Bat Cave is what I was going for. Hopefully now Seamus will stop waking up as soon as the sun comes up.

I got home in time to catch some of the best acts at Live8, including the Who and most excitingly, Pink Floyd. I called that they would play Money, and John accurately predicted that they would play Wish You Were Here. Amazingly, MTV even managed to hold off on breaking in and ruining it until the very end! It was very cool to see.

Today we’ve been focusing on getting house stuff done. We finally found the right combination of furniture for the basement, so we’ve been assembling and rearranging stuff in the family room. It’s really coming together, and is actually a usable room now! Before it was mostly full of piles of books and you had to sit on the floor, or perch on the corner of the couch. Now we just have to find a coffee table and a china cabinet and the house will be pretty much set, furniture-wise.

The best part of this weekend though, is the extra day. Instead of work, tomorrow I’ll do some more relaxing, and then head down to my mom’s for a cookout in the early afternoon. Except she told me this morning that she doesn’t feel like scrubbing the grill, so she’s going to make pasta instead. So it is really more of a 4th of July pasta dinner, I guess. Doesn’t matter. Just so long as I get that extra day off!

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Thursday, June 23, 2005

I think my body is messing with me

It keeps finding new ways to be infertile. Every time I think we must have solved the problem, my body finds a way to confound me.

Intermittent ovulation? Solution: Clomiphene.

Only responding on the side with the blocked fallopian tube? Why, Follistim will take care of that – and how!

Crappy cervical mucus? Meet my friend IUI, which allows me to bypass you altogether.

And now my doctor thinks I have some sort of progesterone production deficiency. Thank you, body, for thwarting me at every turn. What the hell did I ever do to you?

The one benefit to being pessimistic is that I was not surprised that I am not pregnant. Frustrated and disappointed, sure, but not surprised. The doctor thinks I should a break from all of the medications etc…this month, and I have to admit, I’m kind of glad. Not that I’m giving up or anything. We’ll try again in August. And again and again until we’re successful. But for now, I could use a little rest from the extra hormones and having to think about my fertility all of the damn time.

Plus it will give me the chance to deal with the return of Darth Tooth.

Remember Darth Tooth? Back in December, I went to the dentist and had to have half of my fillings replaced, and get new fillings done, and there was all this talk of the removal of my bad tooth and titanium tooth implants and so on? Well, I went back to get my teeth cleaned recently and told the dentist ol’ Darth had given me a twinge or two recently, so they took an x-ray and compared it to the one they took in December. And here’s what I heard next: “Oh my God! I have never seen a tooth disintegrate that completely that quickly.”

Great. So I have to get Darth extracted. 80% of which will be covered by my insurance. Unfortunately, 0% of the titanium tooth implant is covered. Plus, the slightly less evil tooth next to Darth – let’s call it Governor Tarkin, to stick with the Star Wars theme – (God, I’m a geek) has to have a crown lengthening and a new crown put on. If you don‘t know what a crown lengthening is, rejoice! If you do, you have my sympathies. And I have to submit x-rays to my insurance company to prove I need the crown lengthening before they’ll pay for it. Like they have some problem with people having that procedure done for fun all the damn time.

The weird thing is, I’m ok with all of this. There isn’t anything I can do about it, and I’ve decided not to let it bother me. I just hope I can keep the positive feeling going.

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