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Thursday, June 23, 2005

I think my body is messing with me

It keeps finding new ways to be infertile. Every time I think we must have solved the problem, my body finds a way to confound me.

Intermittent ovulation? Solution: Clomiphene.

Only responding on the side with the blocked fallopian tube? Why, Follistim will take care of that – and how!

Crappy cervical mucus? Meet my friend IUI, which allows me to bypass you altogether.

And now my doctor thinks I have some sort of progesterone production deficiency. Thank you, body, for thwarting me at every turn. What the hell did I ever do to you?

The one benefit to being pessimistic is that I was not surprised that I am not pregnant. Frustrated and disappointed, sure, but not surprised. The doctor thinks I should a break from all of the medications etc…this month, and I have to admit, I’m kind of glad. Not that I’m giving up or anything. We’ll try again in August. And again and again until we’re successful. But for now, I could use a little rest from the extra hormones and having to think about my fertility all of the damn time.

Plus it will give me the chance to deal with the return of Darth Tooth.

Remember Darth Tooth? Back in December, I went to the dentist and had to have half of my fillings replaced, and get new fillings done, and there was all this talk of the removal of my bad tooth and titanium tooth implants and so on? Well, I went back to get my teeth cleaned recently and told the dentist ol’ Darth had given me a twinge or two recently, so they took an x-ray and compared it to the one they took in December. And here’s what I heard next: “Oh my God! I have never seen a tooth disintegrate that completely that quickly.”

Great. So I have to get Darth extracted. 80% of which will be covered by my insurance. Unfortunately, 0% of the titanium tooth implant is covered. Plus, the slightly less evil tooth next to Darth – let’s call it Governor Tarkin, to stick with the Star Wars theme – (God, I’m a geek) has to have a crown lengthening and a new crown put on. If you don‘t know what a crown lengthening is, rejoice! If you do, you have my sympathies. And I have to submit x-rays to my insurance company to prove I need the crown lengthening before they’ll pay for it. Like they have some problem with people having that procedure done for fun all the damn time.

The weird thing is, I’m ok with all of this. There isn’t anything I can do about it, and I’ve decided not to let it bother me. I just hope I can keep the positive feeling going.

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Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Random Bits

From my new, extended daily commute:

• I wish someone would invent a “evap-o-ray” so that I could zap people who insist on sitting in the left lane going 60 mph in a 65 mph zone. I don’t want to kill them or anything. I just want the ability to forcefully get them the fuck out of my way.

• Why is it that so many of the drivers who are jerks seem to be driving Acura MDX’s? I find this highly amusing as someone I used to know who turned out to be a total jerk drives one.

On the celebrity blogger front:

• I recently discovered that one of my favorite writers, Laurie R. King has a blog. I’ll never be as good a writer as she is, but please notice that at least I can pick the same template as she can!

Moby also has an online journal that I enjoy. Of course, by being a famous musician, he automatically has more interesting things to write about than I do. I can almost guarantee that I’ll never be posting about spending an evening in a bar in a Russian hotel partying with the guys from Jackass. Not that I would turn them down if they called me – they look like they know how to have a good time. They just won’t be calling!

News from infertility-world:

• I’m considerably poorer after spending a fortune on Clomid, Follistim and hcg. I’m covered in bruises from all the bloodwork I’ve had done and the joy of learning how to give myself shots (really, not as bad as I thought it would be) and just waiting to see if any of this worked. If it did, great, it was worth every penny and every bruise. I’m not feeling very positive though. I don’t have anything to base my negativity on, but that’s how I’m feeling.

And finally, a wee survey:

• I’m thinking of buying myself a laptop. And I was considering getting a Mac. Does anyone have an opinion on iBook vs. Powerbook? The Powerbooks seem awfully expensive – do I really need one, or can I get by with the iBook? Or should I not get a Mac at all? HP has some pretty decent prices, and our desktop, which I like, is an HP. Please feel free to leave a comment or drop me an email with your opinion.

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Sunday, June 12, 2005

Pros and cons of country living

My new home, which I love by the way, is quite a bit farther out from the city than I’ve ever lived before. For the most part, I like it, but I am going to have to do some adjusting.

There are a lot fewer people out here for one thing. Which has its benefits, like less noise and light pollution, more green space, and a lot less crowding. I can go to Target on Saturday afternoon and not have to fight for a parking space, push my way past people to get down the aisles, and or stand in line forever to check out.

It is beautiful around here. As I walk around my new neighborhood with Seamus, I have multiple views of the mountains in the distance. Just the other night I discovered that we can see the fireworks displays that they put on at the minor league baseball stadium. And we’re right on the edge of all of the development, so if we drive for five minutes or so, there’s nothing but farmland and parkland, which is a welcome change from Rockville Pike.

And, of course, there’s just the plain old joy of homeownership. John and I are convinced that we live in the best neighborhood around, and every day we find something else we like about our place.

However, there are some drawbacks. The commute, while not horrendous just yet, is long, and can get quite trafficky. That’s no fun, particularly for a person who has had a 15 minute commute for the last five years.

Those checkout counters where I don’t have to wait in line? Are staffed by people who want to have conversations with me and make comments about my items. That keeps throwing me for a loop. And if there are any people in line, it takes forever because of all the chit chat!

Hummus seems to be an exotic foreign food. None of the grocery stores have it. Whole Foods and Trader Joes are something like 30 miles away. There are no Thai restaurants, although I believe there are two Indian restaurants for us to try. One of the main attractions at the community picnic was the gun safety presentation. Not that I don’t think gun safety is important (if you have a gun, you’d damn well better know how not to shoot yourself or someone else by accident), but for someone like me, it is a whole different culture where that is a focus along with the moonbounce and the snocones.

Adjustments aside though, I love it here. No regrets. Not a one. Even if I do have to learn to make small talk with cashiers.

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Sunday, June 05, 2005

What kind of tree would you be?

So, days ago Bluepoppy had this idea where she would interview people, and they would answer her questions on their blogs and then they would, in turn, interview people who asked to be interviewed, and so on. And I was all eager “pick me! Interview me!” and then I did nothing with the questions she sent me for days, because I am lame. Also, I got lost in a huge stack of boxes in my dining room and couldn’t find my way back to the computer for a couple of days. But, without further ado, here are my Bluepoppy questions and my answers. If you want to play, I’ve posted the official rules at the end.

1. What was your best movie experience ever?
This is actually a very tough question to answer. I couldn’t decide if it meant what is the best movie I’ve ever seen, or what is the best time I’ve ever had at the movies. And really, those are two very different things. Plus, I’m not sure that the best movie I’ve ever seen is. I can’t pick just one. But my favorite movie memory is probably of the first time I ever went to the movies. It is one of my earliest memories too, although not the earliest. My mom took me and my best friend Suzie Gallagher to see a theater release of Snow White (we didn’t have VCRs back in the Stone Age – they came along a few years later) and I remember being so awed by the whole experience. It was magical and exciting, and Snow White was beautiful and everyone sang songs and the evil witch was defeated by the dwarves. Plus, they showed a little short before the main feature about a girl stuck in an avalanche, and her name was Suzie, just like my best friend! So cool. See, Disney movies aren’t always scarring to the developing psyche of a little girl.

2. If you could go back in time to visit a different time/place,
where would you go and why? And, how long would you stay there?

Paris in the 1880’s-1890’s. There was so much happening – the Eiffel Tower, the building of the Metro, the art scene, the writers, the political thinkers. As for how long I would stay…I don’t know. It would all depend on how much I missed my regular life, I suppose. Or how dirty and smelly 19th century Europe was. I do like my modern conveniences.

3. What's your favorite curse word? Consarnit! No, not really. Fuck, probably. It’s just an all around reliable standard curse word. Although you should never underestimate the value of a good “rats!”

4. What are 3 classes you wish you had taken either in high school or college? A lit class. I don’t know as much about the classics as I should. Definitely some sort of media or film class, although they didn’t offer all that much in that area of study when I was at Wellesley. I hear they’ve changed that now. And this isn’t really a class, but it is a school-related regret – I really wish I had done a semester abroad when I was in college. I think I missed out by staying at school for the whole four years.

5. What do you think this country (USA) will look like 30 years from now?

My answer to this one really depends on the day. Sometimes it feels like we’re headed toward some Margaret Atwood Handmaid’s Tale type future, where the conservatives have restricted everyone’s lives to fit their narrow world view. A world where the environment is trashed, resources are scarce, women, gays and religious minorities are oppressed and the rich live obscenely profligate and irresponsible lives. Where America is a truly fascist country that is hated by the rest of the planet and contributes nothing to the betterment of humankind. That’s on my more pessimistic days.

And then other days I think that we can only do better from here. I’d like to believe that we can get back to a place where Americans are the good guys again. Where we are a force for peace in the world, and provide a positive model for change. Where we have an open and innovative society – a society that values and cares for all of its members. Of course, sometimes I’m a little overly optimistic.

Then again, in 30 years, I may have given up and moved to Canada.

The Official Interview Game Rules
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

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